dear grandpa,

Today is harder than I thought it would be. To think that a little over four years ago, I was sitting in our living room listening to you tell another story about your teenage years over a game of gin rummy; it's still unreal to me that I just can't look over my shoulder to tell you about an article I had read.

This has been the fourth birthday that I've spent without you. Each year, it blindsides me. I'm now twenty, grandpa. I've made some decisions that I wished I hadn't, missed opportunities that I regret, and have met some pretty fantastic people; all the while holding onto those who have been by my side since junior high.

The last thing you said to me was, "You can't live your life by what others want. Do whatever your heart desires." because I was having trouble deciding what I wanted out of life at that point; did I really want to major in Political Science? Where did I really want to go?

Since then, I have taken that final advice and followed my heart in all senses. I traveled to the California coastline twice, went to New York City, visited Chicago. I decided that my career should fit what I did best; observe and interpret. I've learned languages, tried some things that I never thought I would. I loved without bounds and healed the wounds it left behind. I've made a promise to continue and enjoy every last minute on this Earth.

I've stopped planning and have let life just happen. And I have to thank you so much for that because I would probably still be worrying about trivial things like: am I doing what they want for me?

In everything that I've done, I do hope that I've made you just as proud of me as Mom and Pops are. I've never forgotten you; the way you could make my friends giggle or calm me down after a bad day. I haven't forgotten our fights or our talks.

You will always be one of my favorite people.

I miss you every day, grandpa.
I'll be playing some Sam Cooke and Miles Davis tonight to spend a little bit of my twentieth with you.

Love always,
Me.

"Fate, my friend. You say the strangest things, I find sometimes."

Did I ever mention that I was terrible with this blogging thing? No? Oh, my bad..  In all seriousness though, folks.. I have had quite a time since my last post.  My personal life has been turned every which way and I'm trying my best to compartmentalize; family, friends, self. It's all a very tiring process. Especially when things keep happening in a twisted sequence that only script writers for a big-hit television drama/soap opera would dream about.

Upon coming back from California, my mother and I weren't on the best of terms. My step-grandmother is slowly dying. My little cousin, who is only nine years old, was recently diagnosed with limb-gridle muscular dystrophy. No one lies when they say, "the worst comes in threes."  However, things are at the very least looking up for my relationship with my mother. It's a work in progress.

So, there's that. And yet while nothing has been looking up for my step-grandmother or my cousin alike, I am hopeful. I'm hopeful that somehow the lady that used to chase me around will pull out of this. I am also hopeful that everything will work out for the little girl who never stops smiling. That's the best anyone can do now; hope. You have everything when you have the love, the support, and hope of everyone around you.

I can truly say that I am blessed to have the greatest souls in my life. Even if I don't say it or show it that often, I appreciate every single person around me. This week has truly made me think (which I do a lot of, anyway).

That's my rant for this extremely early day. Happy Thursday, everyone!

I know I never posted an installation for tunes for tuesday this week. So, I leave you with the song that has been on repeat; helping me balance out the rough patches.

tunes for tuesday v2/home.

I'm back from vacation! I want to give a big thank you to dear Rachel for atleast introducing herself to all you folks. Be sure to check out her tumblr at itsmorethanyouknow.

Later this week, I'll be sure to give you all the nitty gritty details of my trip. Right now, though, I have family to tend to (which I will also explain..tomorrow.)

Nothing too huge for this week's tunes for tuesday. I want to keep it light. (:

Well, howdy there: guest blogger.

Hey! I'm Rachel. I'm Elle's super-awesome friend that she cruelly left behind on her trip to Cali-forn-i-a. And I'm her filler blogger while she's stuck doing schoolwork. And by schoolwork, I mean, soaking up the sun while I'm stuck in Poopville, Tennessee.

Introduce yourselves to me!
http://itsmorethanyouknow.tumblr.com/ask

yesterday. oh, i believe in yesterday..

Yesterday had been spent eating, shopping, driving, and walking through these lovely streets. I will not be posting much else during this vacation. Today marks the day that I, Elle, will unplug and enjoy the time I have left here.

I may or may not have someone to blog sit while I'm gone. We'll see.
Here's to hoping that you folks are having an amazing weekend!

hello from..

Courtesy of Siusin on deviantart. I'm too lazy upload my own right now.

Hello from San Francisco!

After months upon months of planning, waiting, and wishing for the day to get here; I am officially on my own little vacation from cold. I am also working on little sleep. Lame.

I met up with friends for some morning outings and possibly explored every inch of this place; in a car and on foot. That paired with my lack of sleep makes me one very happy, yet very tired girl.

I promise for a better recap later. For once, I'm turning in early in this comfy hotel bed (on a side note though: has anyone ever noticed that watching TV in a hotel bed is much more satisfying than at home?) to watch Happythankyoumoreplease.

tunes for tuesday/about me.

Texture by frozenDi on deviantart; personalization by myself.

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

Something I've always wanted to try was to schedule out one day a week that I would write about a specific thing; hence, tunes for tuesday is born. I have seen this little thing done on other blogs in the blogosphere and figured I'd jump on the bandwagon.

Also, this is as good of a time as any to sort of introduce myself. You know, first name basis, where do you live kind of thing. So, this is that.

I'm Lynn. I have a dozen nicknames, but prefer to go by Lane or Elle (as you've probably noticed by now). I'm nineteen years young and attend college full-time studying Psychology/Criminology.

Outside of that, I'd like to consider myself a crafter/artist. I plan to open an Etsy shop eventually. I'd like to share all the prints, oil paintings, and such that I do when the mood strikes. I'm still tossing around name ideas and everything else associated with it, but it will be heavily mentioned here on out.

I live in a close to non-existent town in Pennsylvania with a trouble-maker kitten and a few pups. I adore vintage clothing, tunes from the '60s, films, good souls, and good food. After college, I'd love to move out west to Cali-forn-ia. Speaking of which, I also like to travel and take too many pictures.

I have wonderful friends and a crazy family; some of who will be talked about shamelessly here. How personal can you get, right?

Let's be friends. Now onward to the "tunes" part of this Tuesday.